In July I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Fairly soon I will be having a bunch of additional tests and have a treatment plan. I will soon have my thyroid removed, have a scar on my neck, and be on medicine for the rest of my life. I feel too young for all of this.
On Sunday I was swinging at the beach with my daughter and wife. My wife was pushing my daughter and the sun was bouncing off both of their faces. It was better than any photo. I couldn’t stop thinking about how the two of them deserve to have a husband/dad around. How life in the simplicity is wonderful.
So often in my life, I have thought about my next steps and how to improve, evaluate, and enhance my life. I strategize and am goal-oriented. I often have a view that if there are improvements to be made, that life will be better when those improvements occur. Maybe it has been in regards to improving the furniture in my house or renovating a room.
When that is done, then I will be happier.
When I start seeing more clients in my private practice, then I will be happier.
When my websites are running more, then I will be happier.
My formula has been that as progress occurs, happiness will develop too. In many ways this is true and reiterated in our lives. When we complete college, we usually get a better job and have more economic freedom. We can choose our career direction more accurately and potentially develop careers that are fulfilling. When I fight with my wife and we work it out, we usually fight less. Fixing often does lead to more happiness.
However, holding out for that happiness or believing that future me will be happier because of those things is a farce. That belief, that is perpetuated by media, friends, and our own internal voices is a falsity. If we are not seeking balance and emotional wellness now, we will not have an easier time tomorrow, next week, or next year. Instead, it will be harder because we then have more time living in the less fulfilled world we have created.
I have been given a gift through telling people about my cancer. When I tell someone those words for the first time, they will hug me, cry, give me encouraging words, tell me that they are praying for me, or sending me positive vibes.
Really they are saying, “Joe, you matter to me. The world would not be the same without you.”
In doing this, I am on the receiving end of experiencing something magnificent, knowing that I matter to people.
How often do we tell people that they matter? It can be a “Wellness Discipline” to build our own health. When we notice that others matter and that they are important to us, it builds that relationship, while also creating a thankful heart. The more that we experiences a feeling of thankfulness in the now, the harder it is for the other mindset to push its way in. We can’t have those mutually exclusive feelings of “I am so thankful for what I have right now” and “I will be thankful and happy when X happens.”
So today, may you grow in your thankfulness and tell people that they matter to you and that the world would be different without them. Tell them and tell yourself that life right now is good and wonderful and full of moments of simplicity with the sun bouncing off people’s faces swinging on the beach.
Joseph R. Sanok, MA, LLP, LPC, NCC is a counselor and owner of Mental Wellness Counseling. He is trying his darndest to approach thyroid cancer with an attitude of thankfulness, even though he feels like it really sucks.
Joe, thanks for sharing your inner journey. Cancer is a teacher. I, too, know these lessons from my 2 bouts with this teacher. Thinking of you and sending strength, peace, and wisdom as you face this challenge. There are MANY of us survivors walking this earth. Best wishes.
love you joe. this is a beautiful article…
I struggle with the difference between ‘Happiness” ‘Peace” and “Joy”. I wonder if happiness is in the moment…in what’s happening or how I feel right now. ( Like a vacation or a birthday party). I want to seek the true peace and joy that can only be found when that “inner hole” is filled with the love of God. Peace and Joy will linger into the depths of my soul, and transfer out of me through my heart. Is that happiness? I know Gods love is a Devine intervention for peace and joy for us all.
Open the door to your heart and fill the hole. The fuel is free. God.