Blog : wedding

Wedding Planning Stress Minimization
Joseph R. Sanok, MA, LLP, LPC, NCC

Wedding Planning Stress Minimization

Photo Provided by Tela Chhe on flickr

A wedding is an important life experience that takes a lot of time and effort to prepare for.

With all of the preparation comes stress that can lead to various consequences. Some partners lose their connection and question their proposal or acceptance of a proposal. Others become overwhelmed with constant decision making. Family, friends, wedding planners, and even partners can become additional sources of stress. Understanding that both partners have different perspectives on the celebration is essential to making sure preparations go smoothly.

Here are some ways to make sure stress does not affect the connection you have with your partner:

Remind each other why you wanted to get married in the first place.

Take the time to tell your partner what you love about them. Couples often overlook this, leading to one partner feeling under-appreciated.

 Make mutual decisions.

In the beginning stages of a relationship there are decisions that can be made independently. There are also certain things that do not necessarily need to be shared with the other partner. This will change when the decision is made to enter into a marriage. Making decisions together from the early stages of wedding planning can prepare a couple for challenges that may lie ahead.

Mutually choose the caterer, colors, theme, motif, sponsors, officiating person, entourage, gowns, tuxes, guests, reception hall, and everything else. Men often prefer to have the ladies make decisions while they foot the bill. This strategy can often lead to disagreements where men are disappointed, especially because they paid for the thing they did not like. This source of stress and arguments can be minimized by making decisions together. It will also give partners a better idea of how they cope with decision making and show each individual’s point of view on an issue. Always include partners in decision making, never rush them into making a decision, and encourage participation.

 Have a fire/water strategy.

When couples inevitably lose patience and argue, it is easy for them to start attacking each other. In cases such as these, avoid attacks as much as possible. If one partner is steaming, angry, and playing the role of fire, the other partner should not attack them. Instead, they should take time to cool off, avoid flaring up, and calm the angry partner. Simply getting them to a level where they can sensibly talk about the issue will do wonders. Do not avoid the argument, but slightly delay the discussion so both partners can rationally take part in it.

 Take time to unwind.

Staying connected during the planning process is not just about making decisions, handling difficult situations, or reminding each other of the your love connection. Both of you should have fun while preparing for the wedding. Take time to withdraw from preparations and chill out. Plan a short vacation, play games, or participate in activities you both love. What matters is that you both enjoy the planning and the down time.

 

Ultimately, a marriage is a mutual decision between two people to spend the rest of their lives together. A wedding should be planned with a similar approach in mind. A couple should not feel forced to show their relationship off to the world. It is not just a special occasion that you should prepare for, but the first step both of you are taking in order to solidify your bond and take your relationship to the next level.

 

 

 

Standing Up: 7 Things a Best Man Should Do
Joseph R. Sanok, MA, LLP, LPC, NCC

Standing Up: 7 Things a Best Man Should Do

Photo Provided by Sean O’Shaughnessy on flickr

Your friend or family member asked you to be the best man at their wedding.

Now what?

Whether you felt unsure or accepted immediately, your reaction is entirely normal. After all, it is a great honor that the groom has chosen you to take part in a very important stage of his life.

Here are some ways to ensure that you will be the best best man you can be at the wedding.

1. Assist in the Planning Process

Many couples choose to hire a wedding planner to take care of the planning process. Be sure you do not take away from the planner’s job, but try to be helpful. There may be some errands that need to be taken care of. Make yourself available to help the groom whenever necessary. This is especially important for fittings. Be sure you and the rest of the groomsmen have fittings done in a timely manner.

2. Plan the Bachelor Party

It is very common for the best man to plan the groom’s bachelor party. Ask the groom whether or not he would like to have one and when he is available. Include the other groomsmen in preparing, paying for, as well as hosting the party and be sure to invite guests that will make the party more enjoyable. Most importantly, try to keep the plans a secret and have a great time!

3. Attend the Wedding Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner

Most weddings have rehearsals ahead of time. Make sure you are able to attend because they cannot take place without you! The rehearsal dinner usually includes people who are very close to the family. You may be asked to give a toast, but try to save the actual speech for the day of the wedding.

4. Make Sure the Groom is Ready

It is important for the groom to be physically and emotionally ready for his wedding day. Be there for the groom as he dresses up for the event. He may be nervous about the ceremony for many different reasons. Your role is to keep him relaxed. Do not be discouraging or make offbeat jokes. Encourage him to talk about his stressors and keep him from being anxious. In addition, make sure he has everything he needs for the big day. For example, if the chauffeur does not show up, drive the groom to the ceremony.

5. Be Prepared for the Ceremony

Stay focused and remember what you did during the rehearsal. Depending on the country and place of worship, your place in the procession will vary, however, during the ceremony, you will probably be required to stand beside the groom. Be flexible and coordinate with the maid of honor so things run smoothly. The two of you can help each other sign the marriage certificate and complete other tasks, like ushering, that are needed for the ceremony.

6. Rock the Reception

There will be a program for the reception that includes your toast. This is your chance to shine. If you need help writing it, there are many websites available that can provide formats and examples.

7. Take Care of the Aftermath

Your role does not end after the reception. Help return rented clothing and any other items that require transportation.

 

3 Reasons Not to Hook Up With Anyone at a Wedding
Joseph R. Sanok, MA, LLP, LPC, NCC

3 Reasons Not to Hook Up With Anyone at a Wedding

There are lots of events that allow you to find someone to hook up with, but you should NOT choose to do so at a wedding reception. A wedding is an event with lots of people from two different families and groups of friends. Yes, this is an event where singles meet up to have fun and possibly find their soul mates, but while this is a fun and easy way to meet new people, hooking up with someone at the event can be a bad idea.

Here are three reasons to avoid hooking up at the reception:

1. It isn’t safe

Although you know the couple, you cannot say that you know all of their family and friends. Hooking up with any of them is not a safe practice, no matter how many precautions you may take. It’s also not safe for the relationships with your friends or family. The long-term consequences can be tremendous.

2. It isn’t respectable behavior

There is a question of decency here since this is not your event. You, as a guest and visitor, shouldn’t be looking to benefit yourself. If there is a possibility you’ll get caught, both you and your partner will find it embarrassing. Avoid ruining the party and your reputation by hooking up. Be decent and do not rush into anything you’ll regret. Instead, take the time to get to know that person and invite him or her for coffee some other time.

3. It can affect you psychologically

The wedding reception is a time to celebrate the couple. This is their party and you were invited for that reason. Being picked up at a reception and hooking up can make women appear as if they have low self-esteem or confidence, and that they feel unattractive. Some men target these ladies because they are easy prey. They can easily be manipulated into thinking they are wanted when, in fact, they were chosen because they require little effort and can easily be disposed of. Women should think about how they will feel the morning after before drinking a lot or agreeing to hook up.

Hooking up can also have implications for men. Men can either feel great or very poorly about their ability to lure women in. Some of these actions, however, are the actions of insecure individuals who are trying to prove themselves to others.

Unfortunately, hook ups have seemed to replace the concept of dating. The wedding reception can be a great way to meet people, but it shouldn’t be used to hook up. If you ultimately have a bad experience hooking up, you will associate it with the wedding and risk meeting the person again because of mutual acquaintances.